10 Steps to Happiness and Emotional Fulfillment
Happiness and fulfillment are within your grasp
We all want to feel happy, and each one of us has different ways of getting there. Here are ten steps that you can take to increase your joie de vivre and bring more happiness into you life.
1. Be with others who make you smile. Studies show that we are happiest when we are around those who are also happy. Stick with those who are joyful and let rub off on you.
2. Hold on to your values. What you find true, what you know is fair, and what you believe in are all values. Over time, the more you honor them, the better you will feel about yourself and those you love.
3. Accept the good. Look at your life and take stock of what's working, and don't push away something just because it isn't perfect. When good things happen, even the very little ones, let them in.
4. Imagine the best. Don't be afraid to look at what you really want and see yourself getting it. Many people avoid this process because they don't want to be disappointed if things don't work out. The truth is that imagining getting what you want is a big part of achieving it.
5. Do things you love. Maybe you can't skydive every day or take vacations every season, but as long as you get to do the things you love every once in a while, you will feel greater happiness.
6. Find purpose. Those who believe they are contributing to the well-being of humanity tend to feel better about their lives. Most people want to be part of something greater than they are, simply because it's fulfilling.
7. Listen to your heart. You are the only one who knows what fills you up. Your family and friends may think you'd be great at something that really doesn't float your boat. It can be complicated following your bliss. Just be smart, and keep your day job for the time being.
8. Push yourself, not others. It's easy to feel that someone else is responsible for your fulfillment, but the reality is that it is really your charge. Once you realize that, you have the power to get where you want to go. Stop blaming others or the world, and you'll find your answers much sooner.
9. Be open to change. Even if it doesn't feel good, change is the one thing you can count on. Change will happen, so make contingency plans and emotionally shore yourself up for the experience.
10. Bask in the simple pleasures. Those who love you, treasured memories, silly jokes, warm days, and starry nights: these are the ties that bind and the gifts that keep on giving.
Happiness and fulfillment are within your grasp, but sometimes just out of reach. Understanding what works best for you is the first step in finding more of it.
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By Gretchen Rubin
(REAL SIMPLE) -- A few years ago, on a morning like any other, I had a sudden realization: I was in danger of wasting my life.
As I stared out the rain-spattered window of a New York City bus, I saw that the years were slipping by.
"What do I want from life?" I asked myself. "Well...I want to be happy."
I had many reasons to be happy: My husband was the tall, dark, handsome love of my life; we had two delightful girls; I was a writer, living in my favorite city.
I had friends; I had my health; I didn't have to color my hair. But too often I sniped at my husband or the drugstore clerk.
I felt dejected after even a minor professional setback. I lost my temper easily. Is that how a happy person would act? Real Simple: How to make positive changes in your life
I decided on the spot to begin a systematic study of happiness. (A little intense, I know. But that's the kind of thing that appeals to me.)
In the end, I spent a year test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific studies, and tips from popular culture.
Well, the year is over, and I can say: It did. I made myself happier. And along the way I learned a lot about how to be happier. Here are those lessons.If I followed all the advice, I wanted to know, would it work?
1. Don't start with profundities. When I began my Happiness Project, I realized pretty quickly that, rather than jumping in with lengthy daily meditation or answering deep questions of self-identity, I should start with the basics, like going to sleep at a decent hour and not letting myself get too hungry.
Science backs this up; these two factors have a big impact on happiness. Real Simple: 34 low-cost, make-you-smile ideas
2. Do let the sun go down on anger. I had always scrupulously aired every irritation as soon as possible, to make sure I vented all bad feelings before bedtime.
Studies show, however, that the notion of anger catharsis is poppycock.
Expressing anger related to minor, fleeting annoyances just amplifies bad feelings, while not expressing anger often allows it to dissipate.
3. Fake it till you feel it. Feelings follow actions. If I'm feeling low, I deliberately act cheery, and I find myself actually feeling happier. If I'm feeling angry at someone, I do something thoughtful for her and my feelings toward her soften. This strategy is uncannily effective. Real Simple: Small, helpful gestures with big impact
4. Realize that anything worth doing is worth doing badly. Challenge and novelty are key elements of happiness.
The brain is stimulated by surprise, and successfully dealing with an unexpected situation gives a powerful sense of satisfaction.
People who do new things -- learn a game, travel to unfamiliar places -- are happier than people who stick to familiar activities that they already do well.
I often remind myself to "Enjoy the fun of failure" and tackle some daunting goal.
5. Don't treat the blues with a "treat." Often the things I choose as "treats" aren't good for me. The pleasure lasts a minute, but then feelings of guilt and loss of control and other negative consequences deepen the lousiness of the day.
While it's easy to think, I'll feel good after I have a few glasses of wine...a pint of ice cream...a cigarette...a new pair of jeans, it's worth pausing to ask whether this will truly make things better.
6. Buy some happiness. Our basic psychological needs include feeling loved, secure, and good at what we do.
You also want to have a sense of control. Money doesn't automatically fill these requirements, but it sure can help.
I've learned to look for ways to spend money to stay in closer contact with my family and friends; to promote my health; to work more efficiently; to eliminate sources of irritation and marital conflict; to support important causes; and to have enlarging experiences.
For example, when my sister got married, I splurged on a better digital camera. It was expensive, but it gave me a lot of happiness.
7. Don't insist on the best. There are two types of decision makers. Satisficers (yes, satisficers) make a decision once their criteria are met.
When they find the hotel or the pasta sauce that has the qualities they want, they're satisfied. Maximizers want to make the best possible decision.
Even if they see a bicycle or a backpack that meets their requirements, they can't make a decision until they've examined every option.
Satisficers tend to be happier than maximizers. Maximizers expend more time and energy reaching decisions, and they're often anxious about their choices. Sometimes good enough is good enough.
8. Exercise to boost energy. I knew, intellectually, that this worked, but how often have I told myself, "I'm just too tired to go to the gym"?
Exercise is one of the most dependable mood-boosters. Even a 10-minute walk can brighten my outlook.
9. Stop nagging. I knew my nagging wasn't working particularly well, but I figured that if I stopped, my husband would never do a thing around the house.
Wrong.
If anything, more work got done.
Plus, I got a surprisingly big happiness boost from quitting nagging.
I hadn't realized how shrewish and angry I had felt as a result of speaking like that. I replaced nagging with the following persuasive tools: wordless hints (for example, leaving a new light bulb on the counter); using just one word (saying "Milk!" instead of talking on and on); not insisting that something be done on my schedule; and, most effective of all, doing a task myself.
Why did I get to set the assignments?
10. Take action. Some people assume happiness is mostly a matter of inborn temperament: You're born an Eeyore or a Tigger, and that's that.
Although it's true that genetics play a big role, about 40 percent of your happiness level is within your control.
Taking time to reflect, and making conscious steps to make your life happier, really does work. So use these tips to start your own Happiness Project. I promise it won't take you a whole year.
