What I Want For My Birthday - New Sony Panoramic Camera

From my friend "B" - who wishes to be anonymous

What Does God Look Like?

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

To realize
The value of a sister/brother
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.


To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple..


To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.


To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.


To realize The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.


To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
Who has given birth to
A premature baby.....


To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane..


To realize the value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.


Time waits for no one...
Treasure every moment you have
You will treasure it even more when
You can share it with someone special.


To realize the value of a friend or family member:
LOSE ONE.

The Advantages of Older Women by Benj. Franklin

June 25, 1745

MY DEAR FRIEND:-

I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural inclination you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you will find solid Happiness. Your Reason against entering into it at present appears to be not well founded. The Circumstantial Advantages you have in View by Postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that makes the complete Being. Separate she wants his force of Body and Strength of Reason; he her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are most likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissors.

If you get a prudent, healthy wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking that Commerce with the Sex is inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice that in your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. This you call a Paradox, and demand my reasons. They are these:

1. Because they have more Knowledge of the world, and their Minds are better stored with Observations; their conversation is more improving, and more lastingly agreeable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Man, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a thousand Services, small and great, and are the most tender and useful of Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an Old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of children, which irregularly produced may be attended with much inconvenience.

4. Because through more Experience they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your reputation; and regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be inclined to excuse an old Woman, who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his manners by her good Councils, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part. The Face first grows lank and Wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower parts continuing to the last as plump as ever; so that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old one from a young one. And as in the Dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of Corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal and frequently superior; every Knack being by Practice capable by improvement.

6. Because the sin is less. The Debauching of a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend making an old Woman happy.

8. 8th & lastly. They are so grateful!!!

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry immediately; being sincerely



Your Affectionate Friend,

Benj. Franklin

Carolina Chocolate Drops

Whatever you give a woman...

Quote of the day:




'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life

My mind works like lightning, One brilliant

Flash and it is gone.


The only time the world beats a path to

Your door is if you're in the bathroom.





It used to be only death and taxes

Now, of course, there's

shipping and handling, too.



My next house will have no kitchen - just

Vending machines and a large trash can.


 
Definition of a teenager?

God's punishment....for enjoying sex.



As you slide down the banister of life, may

The splinters never point the wrong way...



Be who you are and say what you feel...
because those that matter...
don't mind...
and those that mind...don't matter!

Two sides to every story.

Some say there are 2 sides to a couple's story. I think this illustrates that very well.

IN HER DIARY:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We

had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was

shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was

upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment

on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go

somewhere quiet so we could talk.. He agreed, but he didn't

say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.'

I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.. He said he

wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry

about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled

slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't

know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home,

I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing

to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched

TV.

He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with

silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15

minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my

caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he

was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He

fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do.

I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone

else. My life is a disaster.

IN HIS DIARY:

My Harley wouldn't start today, can't figure it out, but at least I got laid

HEY,WASN'T THAT US ?

A little house with three bedrooms, one bathroom and one car on the street. A mower that you had to push to make the grass look neat.


In the kitchen on the wall we only had one phone, And no need for recording things, someone was always home. (or if not they'd call back later)


We only had a living room where we would congregate,
Unless it was at mealtime in the kitchen where we ate.


We had no need for family rooms or extra rooms to dine,
When meeting as a family those two rooms would work out fine.
We only had one TV set, and channels maybe four,
But always there was one of them with something worth the view.

For snacks we had potato chips that tasted like a chip,
And if you wanted flavor there was Lipton's onion dip.

Store-bought snacks were rare because my mother liked to cook,
And nothing can compare to snacks in Betty Crocker's book.


Weekends were for family trips or staying home to play,
We all did things together -- even go to church to pray.


When we did our weekend trips depending on the weather,
No one stayed at home because we liked to be together.


Sometimes we would separate to do things on our own,
But we knew where the others were without our own cell phone.

Then there were the movies with your favorite movie star,
And nothing can compare to watching movies in your car..


Then there were the picnics at the peak of summer season,
Pack a lunch and find some trees and never need a reason.


Get a baseball game together with all the friends you know,
Have real action playing ball -- and no game video.


Remember when the doctor used to be the family friend,
And you didn't need insurance or a lawyer to defend?


The way that he took care of you or what he had to do,
Because he took an oath and strived to do the best for you.

Remember going to the store and shopping casually,
And when you went to pay for it you used your own money?


Nothing that you had to swipe or punch in some amount,
Remember when the cashier person had to really count?


The milkman used to go from door to door,
And it was just a few cents more than going to the store.

( I know you girls will remember the bakery-man with his "butter-ring"

and dinner rolls, and the Charley Chips in the can)


There was a time when mailed letters came right to your door,
Without a lot of junk mail ads sent out by every store.

The mailman knew each house by name and knew where it was sent;
There were not loads of mail addressed to "current occupant."


There was a time when just one glance was all that it would take,
And you would know the kind of car, the model and the make.


They didn't look like turtles trying to squeeze out every mile;
They were streamlined, white walls, fins, and really had some style.




One time the music that you played whenever you would jive,
Was from a vinyl, big-holed record called a forty-five.


The record player had a post to keep them all in line,
And then the records would drop down and play one at a time.


Oh sure, we had our problems then, just like we do today,
And always we were striving, trying for a better way.

Oh, the simple life we lived still seems like so much fun,
How can you explain a game, just kick the can and run?


And why would boys put baseball cards between bicycle spokes,
And for a nickel red machines had little bottled Cokes?


This life seemed so much easier and slower in some ways,
I love the new technology but I sure miss those good ol' days.

So time moves on and so do we, and nothing stays the same,
But I sure love to reminisce and walk down memory lane.

Hope you enjoyed the trip much as I did.