True happiness comes from...

Dalai Lama

"I believe all suffering is caused by ignorance. People inflict pain on others in the selfish pursuit of their happiness or satisfaction. Yet true happiness comes from a sense of peace and contentment, which in turn must be achieved through the cultivation of altruism, of love and compassion, and elimination of ignorance, selfishness, and greed." -

"There needs to be understanding that anger never helps to solve a problem. It destroys our peace of mind and blinds our ability to think clearly. Anger and attachment are emotions that distort our view of reality."

"In order to understand the way our brains behave, we can observe our emotions and their effects. In the past, it seemed as though science and spirituality were opposed to each other. However, it’s not a useful division to maintain, because the one tradition deals with knowledge of the material world and the other with the inner world of the mind; we need to know about both."

"All beings want to live undisturbed in peace and happiness. Therefore, the concept of human rights is universal. It should apply to everyone who experiences pain or pleasure. This is why developing sincere concern for others gives us peace of mind; it brings with it trust and a sense of peace. Cultivating warm-heartedness contributes to our own well-being."

"When we see images of the earth from space, we see no boundaries between us, just this one blue planet, where climate change affects us all, where the global economy brings us all together. In the past, Tibet, surrounded by mountains, cherished its isolation. But, such isolation is outdated. Today, we need to take account of the well-being of the whole of humanity and preserving the health of the planet."

Whether we follow a religious path or not, as human beings we all need affection. Warm-heartedness gives rise to the self-confidence and inner strength that supports a calm mind. Peace of mind in turn contributes to our physical health. This is based on the fostering of the basic human values that I promote as secular ethics.

Too often we are entangled in short-sightedness. We need to adopt a more far-reaching view. We forget our basic human values. If we want to live in a better world, who do you think is going to bring it about? Only we human beings. Such change won’t come about if we wait for governments or the UN to take action, but if we take initiative as individuals. What we need is confidence and determination.

When we say "I love the members of my own family, the people of my own religion or country or color" bias limits our affection. But with proper practice, from an ordinary level of affection we can develop an unbiased universal love, in which we don't care what other people's faith is, their nationality, or social status - so long as they are human beings, they are our brothers and sisters.

Car Talk rules! Your first goal isn't to fix your car.

This has been taken from my buddies Click and Clack at cartalk.com.

Here's the most important advice we can give: Your first goal isn't to fix your car. That's right.

1. Your first and most important goal is to walk away from your car at the end of the day with all digits, appendages and eyebrows intact.
2. Your second goal is to not blow up anything or anyone else.
3. Your third goal is to not break something that's not already broken.
4. Your fourth goal is to fix what's broken.

Here, then, is our advice for successfully achieving all four of the Car Talk Do-It-Yourself goals.

Start with the easiest repairs first. Don't dive right into rebuilding your transmission. You'll gain confidence, learn how to use tools and begin to understand how everything fits together on your car.

Here are some great repairs for novice shade tree mechanics, in order of increasing difficulty:

• Replace the wiper blades
• Change the air filter
• Change a headlight
• Change a battery
• Replace the spark plugs
• Change the oil
• Change belts

If you're undertaking a repair that's not on this list and you're just getting started, at least make sure it's a repair that doesn't require you to lie on your back, deep underneath your car.

If you have to jack up your car to get underneath it, under no circumstances should you use the flimsy jack that came with the car. And never, ever get under your car unless it's supported by approved jack stands. (Unless, of course, you can get your mother-in-law to hold the car up. In which case, we'd like to see photos.)

Finally, when you're getting started, try to avoid repairs that involve contorting yourself into an uncomfortable position, which can make a repair vastly more difficult.

Try to avoid repairs or service work where the consequences of a mishap are great. For example, don't try to replace your brake master cylinder or fuel line on your first repair. You could end up crashing into a plutonium tanker. Or be self-immolated. Or worse still, you might wreck your engine.

Before you start ripping apart your car, go out and get a set of tools, including:

• A complete set of socket wrenches, including swivel sockets with extensions of various lengths and angle accessories.
• A complete set of open-end and box wrenches.
• The usual screwdrivers, pliers — and especially, a good set of vise grips.
• Whatever special tools are necessary for the job you're contemplating. For example, a special tool is necessary to remove the oil filter, and another for the spark plugs. In both cases, there are different sizes of tools, so take a look first and find out what you'll need.

No matter what tools you buy, you still won't have all the tools you'll need. So our final piece of advice is to start your repair early. That way, the parts store will still be open when you head down there looking for that special, Fiat metric xenon fog lamp wrench.

Do some homework before you plunge into a repair. It just might save you a migraine later. Buy the manufacturer's shop manual for your vehicle, and read up on the repair. Check information online, such as the Maintenance Advice in this section or other resources.

Here's one true story of why it's important to do your homework:

When we first got involved in car repair, we once contemplated a job and took a quick look at the service manual. It had only six steps. We decided we'd go for it. So we went out and bought the parts. When we looked at the manual more closely, we noticed that the first step said "remove engine." No kidding.

So read the manual!

The best way to learn is to work with someone who knows what he or she is doing. If you're undertaking a repair you've never even seen done before, it's reasonably likely that you'll screw it up — or, at best, you'll do it the hard way. Our advice? Operate on the same principle that medical schools use: see one, do one, teach one.

It happens. You got your old serpentine belt off, the new one on ... and your car runs backward. Don't be shy about calling your regular mechanic. Our advice is to fess up immediately. Tell him you screwed up your repair and need a question or two answered. If he's a nice guy, he'll take pity on you and answer a question or two.

Don't take advantage of your mechanic, however. Remember that he's probably extremely busy trying to pay off his new 24-foot cabin cruiser.

A final word of advice. If you really screw up and have to take your car to your mechanic, don't try to cover it up. Confess. We can tell immediately when a customer has tried to hide a repair gone awry. Everyone makes mistakes, strips bolts and blows parts up. It happens. It may take a few years, but eventually even you'll laugh about it.

After you're done with your repair, it's possible you'll be left with used coolant, motor oil, brake fluid or other toxic materials. You'll need to dispose of them safely — and by that, we don't mean dumping it on your neighbor's award-winning Malaysian petunias.

If you ask nicely, your mechanic will likely accept your waste for a proper burial.

In many states, retailers are required to accept used motor oil, coolant and other fluids — as long as you have a receipt showing you bought an equal amount of the product at that business.

Finally, you can always dispose of toxic fluids at your local hazardous waste facility. To find out where to take waste in your town, check out Car Talk's Eco Area.

Fear of a four letter word "love".

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

New International Version (NIV)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

I was married to the love of my life for 24 years. I was happy and would often say "I love you". She never said it. She might shake her head "yes" in agreement but never spoke the phrase to me. For two dozen years we had a wonderful life together. I often wondered why would anyone avoid those three sweet little words. 

Maybe it is me. I was engaged to be married for two years to my best friend. She too never said "I love you." When I would say them she always would reply "me too". I know that "me too" means that she loves me. This I take as a joke and would often laugh. I sounds like I love her and she also loves her self. 


While surfing the net I came across this article.

Declare Your Love: Overcoming The Fear of “I Love You”

Saying "I love you" filled me with guilt!

Published on August 3, 2011 by David Van Nuys, Ph.D. in The Happiness Dispatch

Have you ever struggled with being able to say "I love you," especially in the context of a romantic relationship?  I must confess that this was a big problem for me for many years in a number of relationships.  As much as possible, I try to be honest and, somehow, uttering those three little words would fill me with pangs of guilt that I was being dishonest. 

At that time in my life, "I love you" was loaded with additional connotations such as: "I will love you forever" and "I have no doubts or ambivalence about my feelings toward you," "I'm gong to want us to get married," and other such freight.  Of course, if you are anything of a Freudian, you know that all relationships are tinged with ambivalence.  I'm not sure I was a Freudian but I did sense my own underlying ambivalence and, therefore, felt impure and dishonest in relation to such a declaration.

Typically, this tongue-tied impasse would arise when the girlfriend of the moment would say to me, "I love you."  Uh oh!  I think I'm supposed to say it back to her.  But can I honestly utter those three heavy words with all their multiple levels of meaning? 

A brief but very meaningful romantic relationship marked a turning point for me in this regard.  We had just made passionate love and she looked me in the eyes and said, "I love you."  She immediately picked up on the fact that I was choked up with conflict, fear, and guilt in response to her simple assertion.  She quickly went on to reassure me saying something along the lines of, "Look, when I say 'I love you,' it means that I have strong loving feelings toward you in this moment and I just want to be free to express them... I'm not saying anything about the future... and I'm not needing you to say anything back to me."

That simple re-framing really freed me up considerably, both for that relationship and for others to come.  It has served me well over the subsequent years.

That critical turning point in my life was brought back to mind this past week when I attended the 2^nd World Congress of the InternationalPositive Psychology Association in Philadelphia.  Among the many wonderful presentations was one on love by noted positive psychology researcher, Barbara Frederickson, Ph.D. 

I was particularly struck by her assertion of what love is NOT.  According to Frederickson, Love is NOT:

• Sexual Desire
• A Special Bond
• Commitment
• Exclusive
• Lasting
• Unconditional

Whew!  I was impressed by how well this fit with the message I'd been given by a young woman so many years before.  It does raise the question, however, as to what love IS.

Frederickson put up a slide with the following definition:

"Love is experienced in the context of safe interpersonal connections or close relationships.  E.g., In the early stages of a relationship, tied up with initial attraction, people are deeply interested in anything and everything this new person says and does.  They share amusements and laugh together, often as a result of the awkwardness of coming together for the first time. As a relationship builds and perhaps surpasses expectations, it brings great joy.  People begin to share their hopes and dreams for the future together.  As the relationship becomes more solid, they sink back into the cozy serenity that comes with the security of mutual love.  At this stage, people in loving relationships often are grateful for the joys their beloved brings into their life, as proud of their achievements as they are of their own, inspired by their qualities, and perhaps in awe of the forces of the universe that brought and keep them together."

Frederickson went on to expand on the topic emphasizing research on the importance of safety, bio/behavioral synchrony, connection via eye-contact, smiling, mutual responsivity, the vagus system and oxytocin,neural synchrony, and what she described as "positivity resonance."  It turns out that there is a lot going on around that whole "I love you" thing!

I've offered my story here because I suspect I'm not alone in my past struggles with that simple, or perhaps not so simple, phrase. 

Some Star Wars Bloopers

May the Force be with you.

Breaking Bad on POF

I live in the best place in America in which to find a single woman looking for a man. 

I have dated a few and am still looking. My advice is for everyone to tell the truth. If you use old photos, or some elses photos, what is the person going to think of you when you meet? They will instantly know that you lie and are not to be trusted.

Lying: Why You Don't Tell The Truth And Why You Should Start

I am re-posting an article about how to lie on Plenty of Fish in order to get results. I find the whole idea of lying as a way to get sex despicable. My reason to include this is as a way to warn honest people to be on the lookout for such people.

How To Get Laid On Plenty Of Fish

By Frost

Plenty of Fish is the most popular dating site in the world. It is free, it is easy to use, and it is filled with girls who lack the funds, the seriousness, or the intelligence to realize that every other dating site this side of Adult Friend Finder offers them better prospects for a guy who wants a long-term relationship.

In other words, it’s perfect. The girls are pre-selected for some combination of stupidity, desperation and sluttiness. Not a great place to find a wife, but a prime hunting ground for the man looking to play some catch and release.

This guide will cover every step necessary to get you on a date with a girl. Once you’ve gotten a girl to meet you, run the Thumotic First Date Bang, or cook up the Thumotic Second Date Bang recipe. They work 100% of the time, most of the time.

But first you need to get those dates. Here are the five keys to succeeding at locking down girls on Plenty Of Fish:

1. Lie about your looks

75% of a man’s attractiveness is completely within his control. Lifting, dressing well, and taking care of yourself will make you appear to be more genetically ‘fit’ than you actually are. Do it.

Now get some proper photographs taken. You know your one friend with a thousand dollar camera and a Pinterest account? Take a break from calling him gay and get him to take some quality pictures that highlight your best features.

If you aren’t hideously deformed, you can throw up pictures that will be in the top 10% of the male population. Start your profile with a nice slideshow, and you’re playing the online dating game on easy mode.

2. Lie about your height

Lying in the course of a seduction is always a fun idea. You can lie about your profession, your relationship history, what you’re looking for. You can lie about where you’ve traveled. You can lie about whether or not you have AIDS. Get creative, readers!

The most important lie you can tell on Plenty Of Fish is your height, because it’s a sortable search category. Unless you are between 6’2 and 6’5, you must lie about your height. Here is my suggested concordance between actual height and POF stated height:

6’7 -> 6’4

6’3 -> 6’3

6’0 -> 6’3

5’9 -> 6’1

5’6 -> 5’10

5’3 -> 5’7

And feel free to go ahead and experiment with even more extreme lies and report back with your results. My buddy who is 5’8 lists himself as 5’11 and has not been called out once. This works because:

1) Girls can’t recognize height, especially short girls.

2) A woman forgives you all, in her loins’ tingly thrall.

3) The worst case scenario is that a girl walks out on you when she realizes you lied, in which case, you’re still not having any less sex with her than you would have otherwise.

If this sort of blatant deception makes you feel guilty, you’re reading the wrong blog. I refuse to be morally high-roaded about this in an online dating culture where women clearly believe that:

Thin = usually thin, sometimes respectably average.

Athletic = usually hot, but too often the ‘athlete’ in question would be better suited to a role as a pulling guard for the Broncos.

Average = Fat. Always, always, always fat.

A few extra pounds = Cannot get out of bed without a pulley. Cannot tie own shoes. Cannot wipe ass without a toilet brush.

Curvy = Gravitational singularity

Remember, men, there is no Geneva convention in online dating. This is war. There are no rules.

So lie about your height. And of course, list your body type as athletic. You should be athletic anyways, because you eat right and lift, but do it no matter what you look like. If the women of POF have taught us anything, it’s that the body type category is meant to be aspirational rather than descriptive.

3. Lie about your profession

This one is actually counter-intuitive. I have a fairly high-status job title and position, but my success increased significantly when I replaced it with a simple It’s complicated. Friends of mine with various other solid professions have reported the same experience.

The ideal POF profession is to throw out some vague, ambiguous, undefined, semi-playful bullshit, but combine it with other obvious markers of status. So, describe your job like you don’t have one, but list your education as PhD/professional designation and look wealthy and well-traveled in your photos.

An acquaintance I know spent a month failing brutally at online dating. He’s an engineer, and foolish blue pill chump that he is, thinks that women would rather fuck a guy who designs supersonic aircraft than a welfare bum or a serial killer. I suggested he change his title to “it’s complicated” and his response rate tripled.

Friends, very few men have gone home alone to jerk off because they underestimated the character of the modern western woman.

There are certainly some professions that might be a net positive, i.e. doctor or lawyer. Well-defined is key here, though. Chicks see ‘finance’ and think bank teller. Tell them you work in IT and they’ll picture you doing tech support at a nursing home.

So remember: vague bullshit, coupled with the unspoken suggestion that you are a man of means. The persona you are shooting for is highly-educated drug dealer and professional blogger with friends in high places.

4. Lie about travel

Have you traveled a lot? According to your dating profile, you better be motherfucking Magellan. Post a few solid travel photos. If you don’t have them, bust out your Photoshop skills. How many 22-year-old girls on Plenty of Fish do you think can recognize a misplaced shadow?

You think I’m joking. I’m dead serious. As it happens, I’ve been to a few places. But in my younger, less well-traveled days, I often found myself losing attraction with a certain type of girl, once I revealed that I’d never been outside North America. My solution was  to “borrow” the travel anecdotes and experiences my good friends had told me about. I suggest you do the same.

5. Lie about literally everything

Purge yourself of all virtue. Embrace the darkness. Spice up your life story. Drop details that imply your parents are rich. Hint at having published multiple books. Hint at owning lucrative businesses. Be reticent and embarrassed when she presses for details, and turn the conversation to more playful topics. This is an art.

6. Be the hooker with a heart of gold

Every man has his angle that he plays. This is mine. I am the man every girl is looking for: I am the Dashing Alpha Playboy finally on the verge of settling down. I don’t wear this on my sleeve—it’s very, very subtle. It’s an imperceptible boredom with the dating scene. A tiny hint of cynicism creeping into my heart. The faintest, most remote whispering of a hope that maybe, maybe, maybe, this girl sitting across from me is the one who will inspire me to give up the game.

This is such a common female fantasy, its a trope of romantic comedies. Hint at a sordid past and a dutiful future, even if neither is the case.

7. Invest nothing

Here is your opening email:

Hey, you seem interesting. [Bullshit question about something in her profile]

[Your Name]

If nothing comes to mind, send the above excerpt verbatim, [ ] and all.

If she responds with reasonable enthusiasm, give her a friendly response with some light qualification. If she responds positively to that, give her your number and meet up.

Do not stress over any one girl. Do not even bother to collect numbers. Let her make the effort, and cut her off if she’s lazy. There are literally infinite girls on POF in any major city and new ones join every day. Pursue girls who dig your vibe, and do not waste time on girls who are on the fence.

8. Play the numbers game

The more lines you cast…

In the modern dating world, it is ridiculous to get attached to a girl until you’ve banged her at least ten times. Until then, you are a cold and mechanical hunter. Spam many messages, go on many dates, and you will be a man with a variety of options of gradually increasing quality.

Read Next: The Pill That Cures Approach Anxiety

About the Author

Frost is the author of the blogs Thumotic and Freedom Twenty-Five. He is the author of The Freedom Twenty-Five Lifestyle Guide, The 2012 End Of The World Tour, and the novel A Generation Of Men.